Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
