i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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