Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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