I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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