after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
