Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
