IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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