Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize