I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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