Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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