i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize