shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
