i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
