You're my little dorito
I cannot find my penis.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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