he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize