would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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