I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
operation have a gay friend backfired
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
