i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
