meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize