I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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