Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
