i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
