I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
