Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
