dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
