im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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