You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
