she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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