i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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