Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
