I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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