i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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