Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
