So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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