you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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