She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
