We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize