I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
