The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
