I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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