my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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