I wish I could teleport
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
