there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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