So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
