I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
