i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize