Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
