it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
