did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
