My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
