Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
