Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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