also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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