You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
