did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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