He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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