She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
