Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
