UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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