im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
