Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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