Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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