he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
