when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
