fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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