I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
