I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
