We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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