The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
