the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
