I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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