She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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