Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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