I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
