Midget sex pt 2 tonight
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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