ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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