i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
