maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
