While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
