hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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