Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize