If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
