but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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