just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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