im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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