There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize