hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
