I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
