I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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